Teasing The Positive Out Of A Negative Situation

The last several weeks I have been somewhat distant and less transparent/vocal in the social media world.  I just finished up my last 90 day challenge, not with the results I had hoped for but results none the less, of those I have written about in a previous post.  

For now, I feel as if I am on my back-and as Les Brown says (paraphrased), if you are on your back, your eyes are open, then you can get back up. I have been pondering my "getting back up" physically and emotionally.

For the last month I have not felt my normal, usual self.  I had a relapse of the Iritis in my right eye, I have had laser vein ablation (that was the least of my issues LOL), I developed a wicked case of what symptomatically was lateral epicondylitis (Tennis elbow) in my left elbow, and multiple and increasingly frequent aches and pains in my joints.  For example, right now my left index finger is swollen and sore and my right big toe feels like I have a cactus spine in it...I checked, nothing there.  Every joint hurts, I'm tired and I've had a headache for a month now (thought it was sinus but not).  And then there are my bowels... Because of the Iritis, my eye doctor wants me to follow up with a Rheumalologist...me I'm thinking maybe some of this is related to the side effects of the only medication I take....

Anyway I am not writing this down to complain or look for sympathy, just background information.  It is so easy to fall into a pattern of "Poor Me" or "Why Me" and get negative and depressed, I know it's easy, I am battling doing just that every day.  Instead I am focusing (refocusing when I get angst-y) on what positive I can tease out of this current temporary situation. 

I confess I am a driven person who doesn't allow pain, fatigue or illness to stop me from what I'm doing until it flattens me on my back.  I also confess that I have little tolerance for people that allow every little ache and pain to derail them from what they are doing.  In many ways I am empathetic but what I have come to realize is that the empathy I exhibit is shown but I sure as heck don't feel it.  The situation I am currently in physically is teaching me that it's ok to slow down, to not do everything, that it's ok to sometimes just cry in frustration and the fear of the unknown--but not to allow those feelings and emotions to effect my thoughts and beliefs about myself--and in this journey I can then be more authentically empathetic to others who have chronic pain or whatever.  We all go through trials in life, life wasn't meant to be easy (I'm re-reading The Road Less Traveled), it is what we take from those trials, what we allow to happen within ourselves, that determine if you move past the issue or you forever hit re-wind and stay stuck in that place. 

I was pondering my new 90 day challenge, what I should do, what would drive me.  Weight loss is always good however at this point in time I have been thinking that I am focusing too much on the number and not enough on health and wellness.  In my mind I would love to be at the gym everyday working out, building lean muscle, getting more fit-in my head I would love to run-my body doesn't cooperate at this point.  

SO  I am torn between setting goals for myself that are pushing me and that I may not reach (as in my last challenge) or to choose a goal that is pushing me a bit ( at this point a 1/2 mile walk is pushing it) that I can build on.  I am scheduled for another Vein ablation on 11/5/12 after I come back from St. Louis, I go back to the eye doctor on the 13th and he'll probably refer me to the Rheumatologist...my 90 day challenge starts tomorrow..so this is it for now and will increase/update as my physical health dictates ( struggling with how "wimpy" this challenge sounds BTW--another area to work on in my personal growth)

My Challenge begins 10/22/12 and ends 01/22/13, taking me through the holidays and all the glorious food, events and distractions of the season.  

• By 01/22/13 I will fit into size 14 jeans or smaller
• By 01/22/13 I will lose 10 pounds
• By 01.22.13 I will be exercising 5 days a week 

I will be reducing my intake of Dairy products, especially cheese and focusing on proteins and low glycemic vegetables.  I have looked at the Paleo eating and for whatever reason I 'm having problems wrapping my brain around it although I believe it would be a good way for me personally to eat considering my food allergies to Wheat and Corn.  I may incorporate this into my challenge when I understand it better. 
I will also be more consistent with my water intake, I am working on drinking a minimum of 120 oz a day.  I will also be posting more to be more accountable to what I 'm doing and what I am going through.   Feel free to follow my journey, call me out, encourage me etc. 
 ~JmF~